Chapter 2

I almost wetted the entire sink when I splashed the water on my face. My shirt was wet when I looked up at the mirror.

“Linda.”

A female teacher – lecturer, cher, madam, whatever the hell they called her – was eyeing me from behind. I had not heard her coming in. In fact, I had not remembered seeing her anywhere in the school this morning. She was in her fifties with a turban-like hairstyle that used to be trendy before I was born.

“Are you okay?”

I looked at myself in the mirror. My entire face was wet but there were no traces of tears. “Yes.” I said and wondered how she got to know my name.

“I don’t think so. Come with me. We need to talk.”

“I need to go back to the group.”

“No, Linda. I’ve spoken to Kok Wee. You’ll be exempted for the next few orientation games. Come with me, will you?”

I glanced up at her through the reflection in the mirror. She had a little smile on that dry lips of hers; it looked like they were going to crack anytime. I fingered my hair back and rubbed my eyes.

“I’m okay. I’m going back-”

“Come with me, Linda.” she said. It was not a request; it was a command. Before I could argue any further, she pushed open the door and stood at the threshold. “Let’s go.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Mrs. Tee, a teacher-counsellor. I’m not going to harm you.”

“I need permission.”

“Linda, you’ve got permission. Trust me.”

That was when I stopped trusting her; but still, I followed her. At least, I would be able to avoid the weird glares from my classmates.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mrs. Tee had a voice akin to those recorded Starhub telephone operators who always said “Please hold while your call is being transferred to a Customer Care Consultant who will assist you…Sorry to keep you waiting. Your call is important to us. Please hold and we will attend to you shortly.” Nice and soothing voice but not the words that we wanted to hear.

She led me into a small air-conditioned room on the third level that could only fill in twenty students. I sat across from her. She held on to a file, like a psychiatrist talking to a patient. “I knew about it, Linda.”
“Know about what?”

“I know about your past. We’ve got records.”

I shivered once; then twice. Then three times. Mrs. Tee said a few more sentences that I did not listen to.

Which one?

“But trust me, Linda. Only a few teacher-counsellors and I know about it. And we’re so tight-lipped about it that even if someone points a gun at my face, I’ll still keep it a secret.”

I gritted my teeth and listened to the yawning of the air-conditioner instead. Mrs. Tee nodded, leaned forward and continued, “Are you still in contact with your psychiatrist?”

“No.”

“Linda, you need to go see your psychiatrist. It seems like-”

“If there’s nothing else, I think I’d better go back to class.” I stood up.

“No, Linda. Let’s talk-”

“What’s the use?” I tried to reach for my bag and realized it was not with me. As I marched out of the room, Mrs. Tee did not stop me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You know, you scared the heck out of everyone.” Chew Ling was saying when I sat on the seat. It was our lunch break and I had walked out quickly alone but Chew Ling had ran after me. “If you are thinking of shouting a name that is intimidating, you should shout something like Jesus Christ. Not Tan Chew Ling.”

I glanced around the stalls. Almost every stall had long snaking queues and I wondered if lunch break would be over when I had bought my food.

“You know Ken? That guy who was just in front of you. He freaked out. The windows almost cracked when you screamed. Hey, tell me, did he touch your breasts? That’s why you yelled so loud? You should tell the teachers! That’s molesting-”

“He didn’t touch my breasts.” I whispered.

“Oh, that makes sense. The surface area and diameter of your breasts are too small; he’d most likely miss if he tried to touch them. According to research, men only grope large breasts, not nails on chest.”
I darted my view from the stalls to Chew Ling within nanoseconds. Chew Ling threw her NDP 2006 bag on the empty chair beside me, coughed five times continuously and straightened her uniform. “You feeling better now?”

I stared at her bag and then at her. “I prefer to be alone. Thanks.
”
“You got to be kidding! Look around you; there’re like millions of students here! You can’t find a place where you’ll be alone!” Chew Ling dug out her wallet. “So, what do you want to eat? The queues are all so long. I help you buy.”

I knew there was no way to avoid Chew Ling. I shook my head and told her to buy her food first. “Help me look after my bag then. I got a Mp3 Player and a calculator inside.” she said and melted into the crowd. A minute after she was gone, I took my bag and walked away from the canteen.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Many students will rejoice when they are on their way home. For me, it was the opposite.
I was almost trembling once I reached my condominium. I could imagine the cold treatment that my mother would bestow on me and John crying in the room. I thought of going to the nearby shopping centre, West Mall, for a walk but when I saw Chew Ling’s number on my handphone, I stopped.

“Hey, you live near West Mall, right? My mother’s driving there later. She said that an auntie-killer is there. Don’t know who. You wanna meet there? We can shop.”

“Chew Ling, battery low.” I said; hung up and decided to go home.

As I expected, the moment I stepped home, my mother was sewing some clothes on her sewing machine. Our store-room had a mountain of children’s dresses for my mother to play with. Someone cried in my room. My mother just sulked and said, “He said he missed you. Go play with him after your bath. I’ll buy dinner.”

I went to the room and a two-year-old boy beamed upon seeing me. That was the image - fabricated recollection - that tainted my past and ruined my future.

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