Chapter 2

When I reached home minutes after, I saw my surprised Ma reclining on the couch. She was capping toys, where she inserted several tiny plastic parts into a rubber shell.

That was the only job my Ma had. Due to her poor health, no company was willing to employ her.
Coupled with the fact that she only possessed primary school education and had limited work experience, getting a job was next to impossible. In any case, her job brought in a steady income. She earned over three hundred bucks per month, spending it all on the bare necessities we needed.

She wore a concerned look as she asked, “Home so early? Are you okay? I thought you’ve got to work till evening.”

“I’m ok, Ma. Nepalideli doesn’t need me today. The bosses specifically wanted skilled workers for their banquet tonight.” I reassured her.

It had been a long time since I got home this early. Six hours less of work meant six hours more of pay deducted.

My Ma nodded with a faint smile, and then hung her head low to continue with her work.

Quietly, I made my way towards the kitchen. We were not the kind of mother and son who could chat like good friends. Our conversations were few and far in between, but I know in my heart that we care for each other a lot.

I filled a cup with running water from the tap and gulped it down. It has always been my habit to use pure plain water as a substitute for food. Cheaper and well… healthier, too.

Using the mirror on the bathroom wall, I carefully studied my reflection. My weather-beaten face was considerably lean, probably, due to my weak constitution. Till now, I keep my hair short and spiky, and I never have to comb. All I do is wet it with water and give it a tousle. This has saved me time and money.
The same question raided my mind: What could make a girl like Destiny contemplate suicide?

I considered the matters of the heart. But, I recalled her saying that she had no boyfriend.

School matters? But, she had dropped out, hadn’t she?

Financial difficulties? Then, I should jump off the ledge, not her.

I tried to erase my thoughts about her, but I just could not. I had never been in a relationship before. My many crushes did not count. Besides, those crushes had never tormented me so badly. Destiny… she just came and had never left my mind since.

I showered, hoping to shake off the image. However, new questions kept popping out. Why does she change her mind, all of a sudden? Why does she think that nobody could understand her? Why does she attract me so much? So many questions, yet I had no answers for any of them.

I pondered over her words. She sure said the strangest things. Destiny? Fate? I know girls believe in such stuffs. But, she seemed to be too entrapped by the idea that destiny had already decreed a bad ending for her. She seemed to believe that fate would prevent her from getting a job, a boyfriend, a bright future.

What did she mean, really?

She was 22 years old and, yet, lived a life without direction, or even a job! So, destiny prevented her from continuing her studies, too? I combined all the bits and pieces together, and was left with nothing but more puzzles that led to more questions.

One question struck me…

Why was I so interested in her affairs?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The reason why I have always refused to hang out with my friends is because of my financial difficulties. They often go to places that would put a strain on my budget: Pubs, pools, restaurants… Personally, I do not need these treats. What I have always hankered after is just a regular bowl of rice.
I have this good friend, Pierre, who loves hanging out at the library. The library is not my cup of tea, but once in a while, I will accompany him, just to fulfil my obligations as a friend.

Other than the library, Pierre usually hangs out at the other major bookstores, including MPH, Borders and Kinokuniya. He has also created his own library at home, with shelves stacked with all kinds of novels. Horror, science fiction, thriller… you name it, he’s got it.

Tall and tanned, with eyes as small as sesame seeds, he looks like an over-baked Chinaman. He wears his hair in an Afro-style and dyes it orange during school vacation. He talks in a funny sing-song voice. Not those nice songs, though. And, when he gets the books he likes, he blabbers on non-stop. And, the only way to stop him is… well, no, I don’t think there is a way.

Pierre is nineteen this year, my senior in the junior college. He even has a driving licence and drives his BMW to school everyday, garnering the attention of some girls. But, his odd appearance has also caused many others to steer clear.

I would receive his call almost every week, forcing me to go out with him. No one else is willing to go to the library with him. To most teenagers, the library is just not a happening place.

It had been over a week since I last saw Destiny. At the back of my mind, I kept on wondering how she was doing. The weirdest thing I did was to check the papers everyday; to check if a girl had committed suicide.

That day, I agreed to meet Pierre, as I was bored out of my wits. He was naturally glad and gave me a ride to our meeting place. It was only a five minutes’ drive, but he said he hated being out in the open, at the mercy of Singapore’s weather. He was the one who told me that, one of these days, the sun would melt us into a sticky mess on the pavement. Well, juvenile thinking it may be, but I have to agree with him.

We reached the library at 2 pm, at Boon Lay Square, the place where I had first met Destiny. Since that incident, it had become a memorable spot for me, and I often found myself on the rooftop, hoping to see a girl near the ledge of the building.

I just… felt like talking to her again.

Pierre was roaming the library like a child in a candy store. I found myself a seat and started scanning around for recognisable faces. When I asked myself whom I was searching for, I realised there might only be one answer.

Destiny?

Notice the question mark behind the name.

I didn’t even know her full name. I just wanted to know more about her. Maybe it was just plain curiosity.
Pierre came back that instant with a pile of thick novels, evidently thrilled by his find.

I raised my brows, thinking it was poetic justice that an avid reader like him would be blind as a bat. It was just his luck that he had the money to splurge on contact lenses with the most outrageous colours and patterns. Some days, he would put on those lilac ones with a yellow motif around the pupils. Other times, he would put on a misty grey on the right and honey brown on the left.

He sat beside me, looking all ready to enter his fantasy world. But, he turned to ask, “Aren’t you going to get some books?”

“Don’t you know me? Since when have you ever seen me reading?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

“Nuts! You never read, never club, never go out… just work and study. No! Just work and go to school. You don’t study either.”

I did not choose my kind of life: I might love clubbing and dining at fine restaurants, go for movie marathon, or simply live the life of the average teenager in Singapore. But, how could I do all that when I have problems staying alive?

As if on cue, we stopped talking. Pierre concentrated on his Tolkien again while I darted my eyes around again. Why has Destiny created such a disturbance to my otherwise peaceful life? Since knowing her, I had questions that kept on multiplying themselves, driving me insane. I sighed and glanced around.

In that split second, I saw a vision that made my heart leap right to my throat. It must be a figment of my imagination.

Destiny!

It was her alright – dressed in a tight tie-dye T-shirt, matched with a lime green wrap-around skirt. She was holding up a big book, scanning the contents, behind her funky designer glasses.

It must be an illusion. Or, is it coincidence?

I stood up instantly, toppling over my chair. This made Pierre growl at me. I ignored him and made my way towards Destiny, wishing it was not an illusion that would vanish all at once.

She turned and, upon seeing me, dropped the book on the floor with a thump. I watched her astonished eyes inspecting me from head to toe, just like the first time we met.

But, coolly, she looked to her left and right then turned right back at me; looking as though she did not recognise me. I stood right next to her, as I picked up the book to place it back in her open palms.

As if searching for my name, she knitted her eyebrows, and inhaled deeply.

“Alan?”

I smiled, pleased that she remembered me.

“Hello, Destiny.” I greeted her back, unable to stop the grin stretching across my face.

She asked, as cool as a cucumber, “What are you doing here?”

I turned over my shoulder to scan for Pierre, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Erm… borrow- borrowing boo-ooks. You?” I stuttered.

Arms akimbo, she giggled and added sarcastically, “You don’t look like someone who reads.”

I put my hands into my pocket, unsure of how to respond to that.

“I may have perfect eyesight, but I am a closet bookworm.” I adjusted my imaginary glasses theatrically.

“I’m here to borrow some very important novels, too.” she explained in a pompous manner.

I scanned the nearest shelf where we were standing. It was the non-fiction corner.

“What a coincidence. Must be destiny.” she said.

I disagreed. “Coincidence, maybe.”

“Isn’t ‘coincidence’ just another word for ‘fate’?” she rebutted so loudly that some people turned to glare at us.

I smiled, although I was perplexed by her terminology.

“So, what books do you read?” she asked, almost in a challenging tone.

I tried to recall the authors that I had heard of. But, my nervousness erased all the names. The only name I could recall was Annie Biyand. Or, was it Enid Briton? Bryton? And, was it her or some other British guy who wrote the Hardy Boys series?

In panic, I could only manage a stupid answer. “I always read books with stories in them.”

In a bid to shift the unwanted attention, I asked, “What about you?”

She hesitated, as if considering what I had asked.

“I often read books with stories in them, too.” she laughed out loud and then added, “So, any recommendations?”

“No,” I answered flatly. “You? You seem to read a lot. Recommend me a novel.”

“ ‘Twist of Kismet’.” she answered instantly.

I was about to say something, when I was interrupted by that familiar voice behind me.

“Hey, Alan! What a coincidence!”

It was Pierre grinning mischievously at me.

“Your girlfriend?” he asked, evidently trying to embarrass me.

Holy cow!

From the corner of my eyes, I could see Destiny stifling a laugh.

“No.” I said. “Not yet!”

What!?

“No” would be okay… but “Not yet”? What the hell? I froze, completely stunned by my own squeaky voice and wrong words.

Not yet?

Not yet!

Not yet…

I dared not look at Destiny’s eyes. Instead, I just said, “Hey, Destiny, I’ve got something on. See you around.”

I fished a book randomly off the shelf and made my hasty retreat.

The alarm sounded.

I froze on the spot, staring at the book in my clammy hands.

‘A Girl’s Guide to Loving Your Guy!’

And, the worst part was, I had forgotten to borrow the book.

Two pompous librarians stormed right up to me, as I tried my best to avoid being seen by Destiny. What would she think of me now?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My embarrassment turned into total despair when I reached home. All the way back, I cursed Pierre and his big bloody mouth.

I had refused his lift. Instead, I walked home, willing myself to focus on what had just happened. I kept on replaying Destiny’s expression throughout our short conversation.

I would not dare to face Destiny again. After all, I did not say anything after the “Not yet!”. I had walked off with a library book. I stole a book, in fact.

When I said “Not yet!”, did I mean it?

In a daze, I unlocked my front door.

Good grief!

My Ma was lying motionless on the floor! The toys surrounded her in a heap, like an army of tiny soldiers.

In panic, I checked my Ma’s heartbeat, resting my ear on her chest. Fortunately, she was still breathing.

 I held on to her cold hands, as relief washed through me.

Willing myself to stay calm, as I stumbled across the living room, I reached for the phone and dialled for the ambulance.

After what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance finally came. I got onboard the van and kept urging the paramedics to rush us to hospital, fast. Along the way, through all the chaotic thoughts rummaging my mind, I made quick desperate prayers to the heavens.

I wished my Ma would live a long ripe life.

And, for the first time since I met Destiny, she was gone from my mind.

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