Chapter 9

Doctor Tee called me in the afternoon and said that he wanted to tell me something. When I went to my mother’s ward, my mother was sleeping and Doctor Tee led me to the waiting room.

“She’s not reacting to the first course of chemotherapy.” Doctor Tee said to me.

I balled my hands into fists and bowed my head slightly.

“We’ve just done a bone marrow aspiration and a complete blood count. The blast cells, which are the leukaemia cells, are still evident in her blood. We’re going to let her go through another course of chemotherapy.”

I took a deep breath and my eyes darted around the room. I thought of the superheroes drawing and blinked quickly. The superheroes; they had not successfully destroy those cancer cells.

“We’re going to give your mother a second course of chemotherapy. This time, we’re using gemtuzumab ozogamicin, a pretty new drug. We’re hoping that it will bring your mother to remission.”

“Bloody hell.” I said, as soft as possible.

“Calm down, Mrs Tan.”

I felt something warm on my shoulder and looked up. A young nurse – perchance, less than twenty years old - appeared out of nowhere and put her hand on my left shoulder. I dropped my head as Doctor Tee prepared to speak again.

“However, Mrs Tan, you must understand, there is no hundred per cent cure for…”

I did not hear the remaining words Doctor Tee mouthed. I dropped back on my chair. The nurse was rubbing my shoulder, as if it would help. I cupped my nose with my right hand and let out a deep breath.

“Doctor Tee,” I reached for his hand. He tried to retreat, but I grabbed his hand hard. “Doctor Tee, save her. Please.”

“We’ll try our best.”

“There’re so many things I wanna say to her. Too many things.” I looked up at the nurse. I did not know why, but she was nodding.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

That day, when I went to the ward, my mother slept her afternoon off. She was almost half-bald. Having nothing to do, I poured myself a cup of water and sipped the water slowly, as if the water was hot coffee. When I was about to go wash the cup, my mother stirred a little. I leaned forward towards her. Her lips were dry and colourless. I took out another cup and poured her another cup of water.

She tried to sit up, but gave up after a few tries. I could hear her every breath. It was like she was struggling for breath.

“Have you eaten? Eh, no work today, ah girl?”

Her voice was hoarse, as if she had just shouted for an hour. I passed her the cup and shook my head. Terry had given me two days’ off.

“There are twenty-four hours a day and I slept for twenty hours a day. What a waste of time. Those idiots must have given me sleeping pills. And, they said those sleeping pills can kill cancer cells! Idiots, if that’s the case, fried chicken can cure sore throat.” She said and sipped the water. No matter how much water she downed, her lips still looked dry.

“Mama, you know about the second course of medication?” I did not use the word ‘chemotherapy’, as I knew that she would not understand it.

“Oh, yeah. They said I am not reacting to the medication and are changing it to… comic teddy pee thingy. Wonder Woman has to work harder.” She reached for the drawing that I had drawn for her, but when she stretched her hand, she halted. Her hands were shaking and every movement seemed to stress her.

I took in deep breaths, trying to control the abnormal beating of my heart, but it proved futile. A few seconds later, I felt a burning sensation in my face. I continued to take in large breaths, but still, tears began to roll down my eyes. I dropped my head and hoped my mother did not see my tears.

“Ah girl, imagine this: One day, your dream guy has just dated you out. On that day, when you are on the way to meet him and had reached the bus stop, it rained. You did bring an umbrella, though. Should you be feeling happy that you brought an umbrella, or angry that it rained on a hot date which wetted your heels?”

Still, I did not look up. I wiped off my tears quickly, but the tears just kept on rolling down. My mother must have seen the tears.

“Ah girl, many people will feel angry because there are 365 days a year; why rain on that particular day when you had a hot date? But we should be happy. Be happy that we brought an umbrella.”

Slowly, I tilted my head up. My mother’s face was expressionless. She nodded weakly and continued, “Because, ah girl, when it rained, millions of people are affected. Yet, you’re just the few who brought an umbrella. You can choose to curse the rain, or you can choose to bless your luck. It’s your call.”

I had always remembered my mother’s words. Since young, she had always bombed me with meaningful stories and quotes. I curved my lips and finally, I smiled.

“There’s still a second course of chemotherapy.” I said and, then, laughed a little when I recalled what she had said just now. “Comic-teddy-pee.”

“Yeah. I’m looking at the drawing, everyday. Wonder Woman will kill cancer cells. We will win this battle, ah girl. We will!”

I maintained my smile.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Mama, can I buy a new water bottle?”

When I was eight, I realized substituting “I” with “Elle” sounded childish. My teacher also encouraged me to speak “perfect English”.

“Your old water bottle is working fine, isn’t it?” my mother replied. She was sitting on a small plastic chair inside the toilet, washing clothes with a red basin. There were foams flowing around her gloved hands. I stood a few metres away from the toilet.

“But, mama, Teresa got a water bottle that got Hello Kitty stickers on. I want that. She said her mother bought for her.”

My mother rubbed a t-shirt and wiped off her forehead sweats with her sleeves. It was eight at night and we had just finished our dinner. According to Teresa, the girl who sat beside me in class, we should try to persuade our parents to buy things for us when they were busy doing something. Teresa said that her mother was “typing a proposal” when she asked for the water bottle.

“Can? You give me the money, tomorrow afternoon I go out and buy with Teresa.”

“No, ah girl.” she stopped the rubbing, tilted the basin and water flooded onto the toilet floor. Then, she washed her hands with the running tap and stepped out of the toilet. A soapy smell emerged from her. “Ah girl, your water bottle is working fine. You should be happy that you’ve got a water bottle. Look, if you want a new water bottle when your old one is working well, you’ll want a new bag soon. Then, you’ll want a new pencil box-”

“Mama! I just want a new water bottle and you talk so much!” I rushed away from the kitchen and ran back to my room. I slammed the door hard to portray my anger.

And, alone in my room, I started to draw. I drew my mother, and I drew two horns on her scalp. Then, I coloured a line of blood below her lips and a few caterpillar-like scars on her face.

On top of the drawing, I wrote five words: I want a new mother..

Next (Chapter 10) >>>