Lee Fang Ling
September 2007

I had listened to “Our Memories” at the void deck of Zhi Jie’s flat for ten minutes, and then went up to his apartment again. When Milo saw me, she forced out a smile and offered a drink, which was weird, because for years, I had poured myself a drink at his flat. This unit - #08-108 – had become my second home. I told Milo I was fine and after fifteen minutes, she went to her room for a rest whereas I sat alone in the living room.

I switched channels on the television at least a few hundred times during the five hours wait. Every channel seemed to be re-runs of old MediaCorp dramas: Dramas that showed couples splitting up due to a third-party. Had Zhi Jie found a third-party? Then what was this – this “Our Memories”?

Milo woke up at five and asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I hesitated, and then said yes. She went to the kitchen and the familiar smell swam into my nose again: Her cooking had always surpassed my maid’s. But for years, I had dined at his home not because of the food; but because I was dining with Zhi Jie, and I felt like part of this Tan family.

Zhi Jie reached home at exactly six. He was fidgeting with his dishevelled hair as he opened the gates and put his helmet to a side. When he saw me sitting on the sofa, he opened his eyes widely and licked his lips.

“I’m staying for dinner.” I said. Words like this seemed weird now. “How’s work?”

Zhi Jie strolled towards me, and when he saw the Mp3 Player on the coffeetable, he gasped softly, and then took a step away from me as if I was infected with an infectious flu virus. “We’ve…” He looked up towards the kitchen then lowered his voice. “…broken up.”

I jolted up from the sofa, my knees nearly hitting one of the legs of the coffee table. My hands were in fists when I pushed my head towards him. “Why didn’t you pick up my calls?” I said, stepping towards him and punching his chest once. “Huh? Do you know how many times I called?”

He said nothing and shook his head softly. I pushed him and he backed a few steps.

“Answer me!”

“I am sorry.”

“Tell me what the hell is going on!” I scowled and pointed at him. I did not give a damn how the neighbours would react now; if they wanted to complain, let them complain. “Think carefully and tell me what had happened!”

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t sorry me!” I yelled. “Don’t you sorry me, you idiot. Just tell me, just tell me what is wrong. Why…” My tears- they just rolled out all of a sudden. I stepped back and dropped onto the sofa, my teeth trembling. “I’m crying. Remember your promise? Remember your silly, stupid promise?”

Zhi Jie bended down a little, but stopped as he was an arm’s length away from me. He was blinking a lot faster as well, an indication of tears welling up in his eyes.

“What’s wrong, superman? Tell me, we can work this out. Seven years, six months. We’re together for seven and a half years. Can you bear to leave this relationship, and let it writhe away, just like that? Can you, after so many years of memories, so many years of love?”

He did not even take a second to think when he said: “Sorry, I’m tired of this relationship.”

“Just like this?” I was starting to cap my face with my hands. He once promised – promised that he would never let me cry again. “Just like this? One word? Tired? Please, we can work-”

“I’m sorry-”

“Shut up. Give me a reason. A valid reason!”

Through my fingers and my tears, I could see him pondering hard. He was scratching his head, as if trying to remember something. “I’m… tired. I’m tired of us together, I’m sick and tired. Just forget me.”

“That’s not a valid reason.”

“That’s the truth. Please give me the keys. We’re over.”

“Ninety months.”

“Please.”

“I’m not leaving.” I detached my hands away from my face and stared right into his blinking eyes. “I’m not going to return you the keys, until you give me a valid reason.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, turned, walked towards the gates, grabbed his helmet and left the flat without locking the gates.

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